


Paradise

by ororosmunroe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ororosmunroe/pseuds/ororosmunroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lost</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradise

                                                                                                                                              November 2, 1943

Dear ‘Ro,

  I’m sorry for not writing sooner.

  I got sort of…held up? Look, I’ll explain when I get home. You’ll never guess who saved my skin, Steve Rogers. He’s not like how you knew him Ro. I mean he is…but he isn’t at the same time. Again, I’ll explain when I get home you. Probably wouldn’t believe it if I told you. It’s been a wild ride here ‘Ro…really wild. I won’t write it all down because I want to tell you to your face. I want to see your reactions. Hear the gasps of surprise or possibly the giggles. I did get to see them much when I was home but through these letters I think I can imagine them better. You know, you have a mean poker face? I mean I like to think that I’ve learned your mannerisms a little but maybe I was just seeing what you allowed me to see.

  The moon is full tonight ‘Ro, and the stars seem to be pulling out all of the stops. I don’t know if you can see it clearly where you are but I hope you can. Because…then that will mean we aren’t so far apart. But then again we’re always apart aren’t we ‘Ro? Even when we’re close enough to touch. I don’t know what’s worse being here or being in the same room with you. Knowing that things wouldn’t the way that I we should they could be. I have an ache in my chest and I don’t know how to heal it…or if I even want to. When the guys talk about sweethearts they’ve left behind the urge to join in is so strong. They have pictures of them and I feel like something is clawing at my chest. I never realized how casual it all used to be. Dating, it something was for sport. Popularity. Status. Before I met you…it was enough. It was enough to just have a good time. Dancing…eating a little food…it was instant entertainment. Just something to do after work. Until you. When you blew into my life…the old ways weren’t so good any more. The girls were nice but it started to feel a fraudulent. Wrong, almost. I would’ve rather stayed at home and waited for you to finish up stitching up my pants again. Imagine that, me waiting around the phone. Pathetic right? But what can I say… It’s what you do to me doll.

  These letters were a shot in the dark ‘Ro. I honestly didn’t think you would’ve responded but I’m glad that you did. You might not say the words but your actions…always blow me away. They’re always subtle, but powerful like a big gust of wind. Talking to you…over here…has been a real big help. I want you to know that. ‘War is a nasty business’ you said that to me once. Well gorgeous, you couldn’t have been more right. Sometimes…I wonder if it’s worth it. You know, it’s not like in the films ‘Ro…it’s harsh and cruel. I wasn’t expecting a cakewalk but…no one said it would be like this. But I know losing hope is not option I afford gorgeous. It’s these times of doubt that I think about you the most. When I’m fighting I just remember who I’m fighting for. Who I’m fighting to get back to. I mean…I know that…we…aren’t. Shit I’m getting ahead of myself again. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel pressured into something you possibly don’t want. As much as I want you to return my feelings…I want you to feel safe with me more. You’ve been really gracious towards me…and Steve. I don’t think you know how much of a relief it was to find out that you didn’t…didn’t hate me. I know that…what I want is strange and off the wall but I can’t help but wanting to try.

  Sometimes ‘Ro I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. I’m so lost in what I’m supposed to do here. I guess I thought that by writing you it would somehow all eventually make sense but it hasn’t…and I doubt it ever will. The things I want to say aloud, I want to scream. Yet I can’t because no one would understand. Because they don’t see you like I see you. The stories you told me. How you came to New York…it breaks my heart. It infuriates me. It frightens me more than I can possibly say. I suppose that was another reason I wrote to you. I needed to know that you were okay. Which is, I guess, double edged sword if you think about it. God forbid something would happen to you. As much as these letters help they don’t help with the fear and the paranoia. The fear of the next letter being the last one with no warning or goodbye. It’s hard to think about ‘Ro I won’t lie. Even if you decide that this is something you want…I still want to be in your life. I want us to be in each other’s lives for as long as possible. Is that weird? A man and woman just being friends? I don’t think it is, I mean it I doesn’t feel weird. I guess what I’m trying to say is… you’ve got me in your corner. Always.

I have to cut this letter short dollface, we have to move out in a few hours and I need to get some sleep.

~~Well Wishes,~~

~~Sincerely,~~

~~Yours truly,~~

Love,

(Because who am I kidding?)

James

P.S. Steve is nudging me and saying ‘Hi.’

__________

 

                                                                                                                                       December 1, 1943

James,

  I have ever told you of my fondest memory from my childhood? Back home, when I was still living with my parents, there was a tree not too far from the house. It was an old oak probably 200 years old and it was very. I was in complete of awe it as a child. My mother said that I had an obsession with it. I studied every nook and cranny of that tree all so that I could climb to the very top of it. I believed that it was a bridge between the two worlds. The sky and the earth. I remember believing that I belonged in the sky where the clouds were. I would climb the tree everyday however I never didn’t get very far except for one time. I had almost reached the top until I heard a scream. It was my father. I lost my footing turning towards his voice and I slipped from the branch that I was on. I remember feeling a rush in my stomach and a thud. My father had just barely caught me. He was huffing like had lost all the air out of his lungs. He held me close to chest and dropped to his knees. I soon heard a sound come out of him. At first I thought he was crying. I was partially right, he was laughing. He was amazed that he made the catch. I asked him if he was angry. He told me yes. But that he was also overjoyed and thankful that his prayers made it fast enough to heaven. He then got up walked over to the trunk of the tree and sat me down on his lap. He asked me why I was so eager to climb that tree. I told him I want to fly to where the clouds are. I remember him holding me tighter.

 

 

> _[“Baby girl…those clouds are meant for the heavenly angels…you gotta work up to that.”_
> 
> _"How daddy?”_
> 
> _“By being an angel down here first. Living a full and happy life. It’s why God made earth angels.” “ Earth angels?”_
> 
> _“Yeah…they don’t have their wings yet…but they do good and help people right here on solid ground.”_
> 
> _“But what about momma? The Bright Lady doesn’t have angels.”_
> 
> _“ But they have messengers and that’s what angels basically are. You know when you were born your momma was convinced you would have magical powers.”_
> 
> _“ Like in the stories???”_
> 
> _“ Yeah, apparently your white hair and blue eyes are pretty important from where her family is from.” “ Really?”_
> 
> _“ Yes, now, we better get back to the house.” David carried his daughter in his arms and began to walk back up the hill. “ Your mom probably has dinner ready and everything.”_
> 
> _“ Kay.”_
> 
> _“ Ororo…promise me you won’t climb so high on that tree. Earth angels are just as important as the heavenly ones. Maybe even more so..,”_
> 
> _“ I won’t daddy, I promise.” Ororo puts her head on her fathers shoulder, tightening her arms around his neck. ]_

He told me this story about earth angels and the ones in the clouds. He told me that only a truly fulfilled life becomes a heavenly angel. Which as a child created a small conflict in me you see because God changed a lot in my house, depending on whom I spoke to. Daddy believed in Jesus Christ. Momma believed in something else. The Bright Lady is what she called her. They didn’t make me choose which to believe in because they as long as I was a good person the gods themselves would be happy.

  Now how does is this become my fondest memory you might be wondering? Well from that moment on the tree and that talk with my father I began to watch them more closely. They contrasted in some ways but were similar in others. A natural balance as it were. They just seemed to fit against the odds.

 Which leads me to the crux of this letter. James…

  I didn’t realize how much these letters were indulgences until I didn’t receive one from you for a while. You are, if any, prompt so when you hadn’t written…I feared the worst. It made think of how…if something were to happen…I would probably never know. I would never know if you were safe and well. I would never even have an inkling until it would too late. I have to tell you James that I cried when that revelation hit me. Sometimes it feels as though I brought on to this earth just suffer. Loss is not a foreign concept to me James but it is also not ground I wish to tread on again. As you made a promise to serve this country and its people I am invoking my right as a person of this nation to request two things of you while you are away. Both of which of course James you are freely allowed to ignore but I don’t think you will. My first request of you is merely to do good. I know that I have told what I thought of war but the gravity of what is happening in the world unfortunately calls for it. So all that I ask in this respect is not to fall into the role of a simple soldier and forget the man under the uniform. Do not relinquish your fire and become a man who merely follows orders. I know that at times people feel that no choice can be made in such circumstances but I feel the need to that that is not so. There is always a choice to be made even though at times it would be easier to think otherwise. You are a good man James, I don’t recall ever saying so to you in person but… I suspect that you already knew I felt about you before you left. Which brings me to my second request…and it is for you to…simply come back. Come back James, because I believe that there are things that we need to discuss that cannot be properly conveyed in letters. Things that should only be said in person.

Things that I’m finally ready to say.

Always,

LR

P.S. Hello, Steven. Even if this goes without saying…Keep each other safe. Look out for each other. I’ll be waiting for both of you to return safely.

__________

                                                                                                                                     November 2, 2014

Dear Ro,

   I would’ve loved to hear what you had to say doll.

Love,

James

P.S. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> The devil is in the details.


End file.
